He had to admit that the gun made him nervous, but he was terrified by the alligator with love in her eyes.

The ironic thing is that the comedian understood very little about what it took to make people laugh; joy was not a concept he had grasped.

I guess you could call it revenge, but revenge was just an excuse to spread destruction and hurt.

Jack the Brick liked his old life of standing still and holding up the wall, and he very much disliked this new life of flipping through the air and smashing through the window.

The sky above the farm was crackling with electricity; it was the color of a television tuned to a dead channel, but we all felt the hair on our arms and neck spring to startled life.

Through the safety shield, between the hissing blocks of ice, I could see the being we called "Xavier" repairing himself with bizarre tools this world has never seen.

“He lived till he died,” normally a phrase of comfort, but now once spoken feel upon the room and left only sadness of time misspent.

It's cancer.  Malignant.  Terminal.  I'm going to die.  Time to go tell my shithead boss to fuck off.

All of this would be copied, collated, stapled, and filed... metaphorically speaking, of course.

Deborah put the lotion in the basket without complaint.  She absolutely did not want the hose again.

THE WORST DAY IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE started innocently enough: with a cup of coffee and a strawberry cereal bar.

He watched the mushroom cloud bloom over Boise.  That should take a big chunk out of the evil potato army.

The truth was that he could see the future. The lie was that she was in it.

He knew that “Drunk Wednesday” wasn’t really a thing. What he didn’t realize was how much he depended on it.

…but then having flexibility in his morality had become a real plus for Jordan in his career as torture room contractor.

Baljeet spat out the tooth and shot a bloody grin at Teddy.  "Is that the best you can do, you idiot bear?"

Sam looked sadly at the stone statue that had once been his dog.  I never should have dated the Medusa, he thought glumly.

And as I see you now, I know I will never get the time I spent considering which shirt appealed to you more.

Up the ramp, over the creek, under the windmill, and into the clown's mouth.  Euphoria swept over Stuart.  He knew this hole-in-one was going to change his entire life.

"I love you, honey," she said, sarcasm and blame dripping off of every word.

The baby slid through the birth canal.  As soon as he was born, father and son locked eyes.  On some instinctive, animalistic level, both knew it was the beginning of a life-long blood duel.

I have seen moments of great consequence, and regardless the amount of cream cheese involved, this was one of them.